With Christmas just around the corner, I thought it's only appropriate to pay homage/do a quick update on November given that it was the most eventful/traumatic month in my whole entire life. Getting it out will help in the healing....or at least it seems more official as the Lings close a chapter in our lives and move forward. November 2009 - Death & Birth Who would think that we could experience both a death & birth within 2 weeks of the same month? Ern's mom died on November 11, 2009 - Remembrance Day. The days leading up to her death were painfully sad. By end of October, my father-in-law had accepted that mom-in-law won't get better and had signed-up for her to be admitted to Palliative care. By first week of November, we were still waiting for a room at Pal-care but doctors had already warned that she might not make it and might as well stay in Sunnybrook hospital. She wasn't eating anymore and was just lying there -- not really responsive. In fact, she kind of just rolled her eyes and we weren't even sure if she could see anything. People say when someone is about to pass, their hearing is the last to go. I guess that's true. When the Pastor came to give her a final blessing, she seemed to be rolling her eyes & moving her head a lot more. We'll never know if that was just reflexes or if she was responding to the prayers. At the end, Ern's mom pretty much starved to death. One cannot continue without eating & drinking - both things she couldn't do. Her internal organs started to shut down after a long battle with cancer and on the night of Nov 10 / wee hrs of Nov 11, she passed away peacefully. Preparing for the funeral was tough. It was like preparing for a wedding except all the prep was condensed into a few short days. Ern's mom had originally bought a plot of land in Oakville to be buried beside her own mom (Ernie's grandma). However, since we now live in Richmond Hill, we had to drive from one end of the city to another. The challenge was finding a funeral home close to the burial plot in the part of the city that we're not familiar with. The 2-3 days leading up to the wake & funeral, we had to drive 45km each way (80-90km/day) back & forth to get estimates/quotes of caskets, funeral services, burial costs, printing of church programs, creating the slideshow to honour his mom...etc. We learned a lot about funeral procedures in a short period of time. I've attended funerals before, but was never involved in such level of detail. Watching my husband deliver his mom's eulogy was one of the most difficult moments for the both of us. Ernie had held up pretty well until his speech, where I guess emotions just got the better of him and he broke down. Never had I seen my husband cry so hard until that day. I also had to do a Eulogy on my father-in-law's behalf as he decided at the end that he was too emotional to speak. I hope I did justice to his speech & delivered it the way he wanted. My father-in-law bascially gave me a few sheets of rough paper with notes & I turned it into a speech the night before the funeral. Stayed up until 4am -- AFTER spending 5 hrs at the funeral home the night before for the visitation / set-up & clean-up. During the funeral, my arms, legs & feet got really swollen. My feet were so swollen that I coudln't fit into any of my shoes and I had to wear sandals -- in the middle of November! I even wore sandals to the funeral and my legs & feet were so painful. But I thought the swelling was a normal part of pregnancy. Little did I know what it would lead to in the days ahead..... Nov 20, 2009 -- in the wee hours of the morning, I experienced shortness of breath, severe difficulties in breathing while lying in bed. In fact, I was actually also experiencing these symptoms the night before but again, thought it was a normal part of pregnancy as all the books say to expect shortness of breath as the baby pushes up against my rib cage as she grows. But the situation got really bad -- I was having coughing fits when I laid down in bed & could only sleep while sitting up. Ernie decided to take me to the hospital at 4:00am as he suspected I may have pneumonia & there may be fluid build up in my lungs. (Smart thinking hubby! Cuz I was just gonna tough it out. But I guess after seeing your mom battle lung cancer the last 2 yrs, you'd be concerned about lung issues) So we go to North York General - Pregnancy Assessment room thinking that the nurses will probably give me some antibiotics then tell me to go home. Boy was I wrong! By that time, it was no longer shortness of breath - I really had trouble breathing so they hooked me up to an oxygen tank. They took my urine sample and found high levels of protein. My blood pressure had sky-rocketed to a dangerous level. So they wheeled my bed to another room where a swarm of nurses & doctors examined me -- cuz they initially thought I might have H1N1. Everyone had to wear a gown, mask & cap to see me for fear of contamination. Everything felt so surreal -- I felt like I was in the set of a movie or something -- where I was the main character of an outbreak. They finally determined that I had a condition called Preeclampsia. My body had suddenly became "allergic" to the baby & placenta, causing toxemia. The side effects of preeclampsia was high-blood pressure, water build-up in the lungs, and excessive swelling. (Swelling is the first sign of this condition) There was no cure other than to deliver the baby right away through emergency C-section. When they told me, I was freakin scared as my baby was not supposed to be due for another 4-5 weeks. The thoughts running through my mind? - It's only 4 days after the funeral! WTF?! I thought I had everything under control! I purposely took Mat Leave a bit early to give myself time to rest & prepare! I also got scared when the doctor told me the baby would be tiny since I'm delivering early - but she has a good chance of survival. Before all this happened, I had anticipated a normal birth and the doctor even at first estimated that the baby would be around 6.5 pounds if full term. But at this point, I had no other option but to deliver. The delivery itself was done really well. I got the Epidural -- which is not as scary as people make it out to be. I didn't feel pain and everything was done smoothly and quickly. It was battling the symptoms of Preeclampsia that was tough. Because of Preeclampsia, my lungs, kidney & heart wasn't functionally so well and I had to be in ICU for several days post-surgery. It was quite scary. I was in Intensive Care for 3 nights. At ICU, I couldn't walk because of the stitches, I coudln't pee as I was still bleeding a bit post-surgery & they put a cathetor in me to release some of my urine (nurses also had to change my diapers); I couldn't breathe (was hooked up to oxygen tank), I had blood drawn every 4 hrs, IV's, monitors hooked everywhere so my hands were all swollen from the IV lines...I felt like I was gonna die. The cardiologist had to come and do x-rays/ultrasounds of my heart to make sure I didn't have heart failure. ICU is a scary place to be especially since everyone coming in is in critical condition and you can hear people dying in the room beside you. Top that off with me NOT being allowed to see my own baby until 4 days after her birth -- I was getting desperate & depressed. (I was not even allowed to see my baby in the delivery room during C-section as they were afraid I would contaminate her with my germs since they initially thought I might have had H1N1) You don't know how hard it is to have people tell you how cute your baby is, but as the mother, you can only see her through your husband's camera. I wanted so desperately to hold her but I wasn't allowed. But I was too weak to get out of bed. I was finally released to a regular room on Day 4. After a total of 7 days in the hospital, I was released and was allowed to recover at home. However, because our daugher Leia is premature, she was only 4 lbs 9 ounces at birth. So she had to stay for another 2 weeks at the NICU (Neo-natal intensive care) to monitor her progress. Mostly importantly, she had to develop her ability to eat with her mouth instead of relying on the feeding tube. Though I was glad to go home, when I left the hospital, I coudln't help but cry because I felt like I failed. I felt so sad leaving the hospital without my baby and looking at the empty carseat in our car brought a wave of sadness over me. Now, after 2 weeks, Leia is ready to come home! I can't wait to take her back! It has been so tough travelling back & forth from home to hospital to see her. I would pump milk every 3 hrs, store it, then bring it to her at the hospital. When I get there, I spend time to feed her (trying to train her to suck on my breast/bottle); change her, bathe her, bond with her -- it's really exhausting when you DON'T get to raise your child in the comforts of your own home. But now she's coming home this week! Ernie has been helping me tremendously over the last 2 weeks in my recovery....wait...I mean in OUR recovery! He's such a good daddy...he's really hands on with our daugher. He has mastered bath-time, holding & changing her! He just needs to work on the feeding & diaper change! So what do I think after all this? My birth experience was nothing like all the TLC shows that I watched on tV! But on a more serious note, though my mom-in-law missed seeing her grand-daugher by just a few days, I'm sure she's looking out for us from above. This goes to show you that anything can happen....anything out of the ordinary, and there IS life after death....in more ways than one. | 
Ernie's telling me to take it easy for fear my stitches from my C-section will burst. (I'm feeling a lot better but not yet 100%. When I get up off of a couch / off the bed...I still feel pain. Wonder if that's normal? Don't know how long it takes to heal from a C-section? It has been almost 3 weeks since my delivery)
